Sometimes what we experience as adults began shaping us long before we were old enough to understand it.
When a child repeatedly experiences isolation as punishment, the nervous system can begin associating solitude with rejection or disconnection rather than safety or peace.
Many parents send children to their rooms as punishment to “sit and think about what they did.” While this may seem harmless or even normal to many families, experiences like these at such an early age can leave a deeper emotional imprint than we realize.
As children, we begin forming associations long before we fully understand them. Over time, some children may begin to internalize the idea that being “alone” is something negative—that solitude is tied to shame, punishment, rejection, or emotional disconnection.
So what does this look like in adulthood?
It can show up in many different ways.
For some people, it looks like remaining in unhealthy relationships because the thought of being alone feels empty, uncomfortable, or even devastating. Without fully realizing it, they may tolerate emotional pain simply because loneliness feels heavier than the relationship itself. In many cases, this can open the door to even more emotional and psychological harm over time.
For others, it may show up as discomfort with doing things alone. Simple things—like going to a café alone, eating at a restaurant by yourself, traveling solo, or spending intentional time alone—can feel deeply uncomfortable rather than peaceful.
This is where we begin to see how difficult it can become for some individuals to enjoy their own company. There is often a constant need for distraction, companionship, or external presence.
And to be clear, there is absolutely nothing wrong with enjoying company. Human connection is important, and as people, we naturally need connection and community. The issue is not enjoying others—it’s feeling emotionally unsafe when alone with yourself.
Because being alone and feeling lonely are not always the same thing.
Solitude can be healthy, while isolation is not.
Healthy alone time can help build identity, confidence, self-awareness, and emotional independence. The more you learn to spend intentional time with yourself, the more comfortable you often become in your own presence.
And eventually, you begin learning one of the most important things:
how to genuinely enjoy your own company.
At some point, I began realizing how uncomfortable many people feel doing things alone—not because they truly dislike solitude, but because somewhere along the way, being alone began to feel more like punishment than peace.
Finding peace in your own presence is everything. At the end of the day, you are with yourself more than anyone else, so why not take the time to understand yourself, enjoy yourself, and build a healthier relationship with who you are?
I also think it’s important to clarify the difference between independence and isolation, because they are often confused.
Independence can look like going to public places alone without overwhelming discomfort, enjoying your own routines, taking yourself out for coffee, or simply spending time at home resting and recharging.
Isolation, on the other hand, looks more like withdrawing from the outside world completely—avoiding connection, shutting people out, and remaining disconnected for extended periods of time.
Like most things in life, balance matters here too.
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